In which the Pope attempts to manipulate time itself

Any moment now, I'll wake up, right? Surely I'm dreaming this. Or feverish and hallucinating. Or I've fallen right through the looking glass with Alice.

Because, exhibiting either true Wonderland logic or the onset of dementia, Pope Joey the Rat has decreed that midnight will now occur at ten p.m.

The outright capriciousness of it beggars the imagination. Not to mention the arrogance. Criminy, couldn't the old man just have an extra postprandial espresso? Or take a bleedin' afternoon nap?

I know, I know -- that would get his nice dress all wrinkled.

Coming next season on V...

And what about all the poor animals? Now what time are they supposed to talk? And how will they know? No, nothing good can come of this, not at all.

In other news, it was announced that there will be no more distribution of ashes on what will hence be formerly known as Ash Wednesday, as the Vatican recently had a gas furnace installed.